Loki on Chapter 4

I almost pity Aleta. She really is a kid; as a 14-year-old myself, the thought of being sworn to marry someone freaks me out entirely. I guess this is an aspect sort of addressed later in the book, the whole gender equality thing, but I figured it was worth mentioning.

One thing I sort of would like about Aleta is the mix of childishness and maturity that the narration states her to have, but I don’t see that claim represented in her actions. She seems almost rigid all the time. Like I just said, she’s a kid, though this society assumes her to be more adult than anything, really. Some of that quirky playfulness demonstrated in earlier rewrites would be nice here.

I found the detailed descriptions of clothing rather tedious, personally, but that’s just me.

It seems as though the way nobody seems to take Aleta seriously is supposed to build our sympathy towards her. Instead, with Liara in particular, it just makes me sort of annoyed. Not with any one character in particular, I just find it annoying to read.

I somewhat enjoyed Aleta’s awe at the ball and such. It’s nice to be looking through the eyes of someone naïve. But that damn precog… Ugh. Ugh. UGH. I love Rainald and Gilden’s little relationship so much! I don’t want it to… -grumble- Other than my personal bias against this plot point, it cut the scene off somewhat awkwardly. The time lapses, again, could use a bit of work. Once it gets into the narrative lull, it’s all right, but the in-between sentences are jolting.

Is it supposed to be “wedded” or “wed”? Either?

I like the Ichari. I like this Ichara girl. Fun and ominous. That bit might have been slightly more enjoyable without Aleta butting in on occasion. I sort of wanted her to just shut UP.

The death of Rainald’s mother was better received than that of his father, when it comes to realistic emotions. Not great, but a certainly better – I think it’s fine for it not to impact Rainald quite as much as the loss of his father would have, as it seems that the mother is a slightly less influential figure in this society.

The entire last section was a tad bit jarring. Abrupt, you know. But knowing that the REAL story starts soon after here inspires no shortage of anticipation.

 

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