Zach on Chapter 4

Towards the beginning the chapter goes on a bit of a tangent about a mother
feeling downhearted by the marriage of Rainald to Aleta, this text may
be unnecessary.

The conversation between Aleta and Mirella is hilarious, I’m not really sure
why though, may have something to do with the phrase “if I can corner him.”
Depicts more of a hunt than a ball. The thank you at the end of the
conversation seems to hang in the air somewhat awkwardly. Why are Rainald
and Mirella whispering to each other before the enter the ball? Can they not
speak to each other via contact?

The comment “naturally everyone invite accepted with alacrity” contradicts
the previous statement about the Ichari.

Aleta “surveying” the ball gives a more formal tone to her perspective than
should be permitted for such a night in this young woman’s life. Later on in
the chapter her excitement is clearly shown, so changing that
isn’t necessary.

The conversation are realistic which is a great plus, they not only tell you
what the individual is saying at a given time but in a way what they are
doing while saying it. For instance “and that bald man talking to lord
carlin?”
“Where? oh tthat is….” as compared to Rainald instantly knowing the man
she was indicating at such a large event. I’ll keep that in mind when
writing.

When Rainald and Gilden are discussing their partners they say “picked” a
lot. “That’s why I picked her” and such. This seems rather rude of them, as
if they’re speaking of fruit rather than their femal companions.

I like Rimmuz, his “don’t worry about what you can’t change or will on it’s
own” attitude is enjoyable.

Tensity rather than tenseness?

As a final note, the entire “their first child was born…” really came out
of the blue and punched me harder than a cheese lover would hit a cheese
destroyer. Did not see that coming. Thanks for the chapter.

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