Loki on Chapter 2 Rewrite

I really, really like this rewrite. A lot. The way the original ideas were morphed into something more or less the same but far more fun to read is pretty impressive. I actually liked the scene with Rainald and
Alleth a lot more this time. It’s nice to be able to experience the dynamic between the two of them without being distracted by little odds and evens in word choice and such.

I’m not sure how fond I am of where the chapter cut off. It just seemed a bit random, as well as too highly emphasized, especially for how short-term the reader’s knowledge of Gilden is. It also, I think, implies that the scene to follow will be far more crucial than I feel it actually is. It was just a tad bit anticlimactic.

That said, I adore the largely untouched dialogue between Rainald and Gilden as much as I did when I first read it, and was biting back laughter. The thing I like about Gilden (well, one of the many) is the way he speaks what you’re thinking, such as re: Rainald’s remark about Rialle’s hair being “the color of Asturias’ light.” Personally, I’ve found that he tends to say exactly what the reader is thinking while reading – it’s nice, it gives you the feeling that you’re somehow represented, that the writer understands you enough to give you that link.

I appreciate the insights into Rainald’s grieving – or reasons to avoid grieving, at any rate. Not only does him being busy and tired build the empathy level, it doesn’t leave you wondering what he’s thinking, which is nice, seeing as he’s the main character and all.

Small likes:

[+] Rainald’s dislike for Full Council. I don’t know why I enjoy this so much, I just do.

[+] Clueless!Rainald at his first precog experience. Remarkable improvement.

[+] Oh, Mirella, I enjoy your character so.

[+]“Mirella! Gods, I haven’t seen you since you were my age!” Oh, Gilden. Never change.

[+] One thing I do appreciate about Aleta is that we haven’t been hearing  about her since the
beginning – as in, Rainald was originally supposed to be set up with her sister.

[+] I actually like Aleta a lot more in general in this version. The way she talks about her precog helps – gives her some sort of humanity, makes her sound a bit weird. It’s great.

[/] One thing that I would say needs a tad more work – a lot of the lords seem to have quite similar personalities, and they sort of blur together in my memory. It would be nice to have a few more definitive characteristics on a few of these guys.


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