Courtney on Chapter 2 rewrite

The people who stared knew who Rainald was, what he was… and all at once he was struck all at once by… – All at once was used twice in the same sentence here.

Also, consider changing either the sister or the betrothed’s name. I realize that it was intentional but they are almost too much alike, I found myself getting confused as to whom he was talking about or to.

The Avigor estate was bordered on two sides by the Eman, a deep and swiftly flowing river whose treacherous currents had been the subject of dire childhood warnings for every Avigor child. – Unnecessary repetition of the word “child”. Perhaps just “dire warnings for every Avigor child”.

I really like the way you have described his time spent between Colgarma visits. It is a much less abrupt transition and gives us a good view of the type of Clan leader that Rainald is and hopes to be. Not to mention showing us how clever he is by knowing he will be watched and trying to act accordingly.

Thank goodness! The whole Rainald/Aleta deal is so much easier to swallow now. I am much happier with him having no inclination that what he experienced was precog and having her tell him that’s what it was. It makes much more sense and flows a bit more naturally. Thank you! I am much more content with how things are turning out now. I like Aleta a bit more now too, before she seemed too young and unsure of herself. In the rewrite however, she has now become Rainald’s teacher in this precog business and proven herself to be a smart and capable woman.  I am quite happy with the new chapter two.


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