Loki on Chapter 3

The ways the little facts have been slipped in here are nice and subtle in some ways, and not so much in a few others. Case in point here is the carefully explained history of Aleta’s genealogy. I scarcely appreciate a
paragraph that is full dialogue, and the fact that this was all purely factual, uninteresting mumblings made it almost irritating. If Aleta is a good enough character… actually, scratch that, we’re probably unlikely to care about who she’s related to at all unless it’s somehow related to the story.  I suppose Rainald wants to know, but we don’t.

Additional “plugins” included the info about the background of the gods, as well. The narration teeters precariously between thorough and somewhat tedious there.

I think part of the reason that I don’t like Aleta so much is that she seems so *perfect.* It’s really quite grating. When we meet a character, we want to see their flaws – hers are hard to find in the blur of Rainald’s praise and precogs.  It’s hard to even know anything ABOUT her. I mean, knowing your writing, as well as realizing that this is Rainald’s first precog and his first love interest, I almost… don’t trust her. Like, I expect her to be working for some kind of as yet unseen enemy or something. She seems not off, but almost too right.

Random tangent: I do like the Ichari. They’re kind of my favorite group throughout the series. I think it would be cool, though, if there were a little something dark to their story… I don’t know, just to add to the eerie factor. I love me some creepy neutral characters, and it seems like as far as chilling goes, these guys could go either way – just depends on your viewpoint on the whole thing.

It seems that the banter between Rainald and Mirella is a little forced, but in my opinion, that compliments the scenes they have together. It shows that there’s a bit of awkwardness there; I don’t know if that was intentional or not, but it works. I like that they’re still family, but there’s a little bit of distance – I kind of enjoy their relationship in general, in the midst of all the close, feel-good friendships Rainald has with so many of the other characters.

Another thing I’d work on is the transition between scenes; it’s a little choppy between when Rainald is with Aleta and going to bed and going to Council, for instance.

It is nice to finally see a substantial plot rising up, ever faster and more complicated, from the myriad of ramblings. I mean, the ramblings are fun, but the plot makes it a book, right?


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