Loki on Chapter 1 Rewrite

Love:

[+] The beginning. I didn’t even realize I wasn’t completely
in love with the original start until I read this one – greatly enjoyed it. Not
only does it make the whole thing immediately more interesting, but…

[+] Yayy, the end of Rainald the robot! Some *emotion,*
thank GOD. I’d really, really like to see that continue throughout the story.

[+] The subplot of Rainald’s father not liking his sources
for information? Loved it. Gave both of them a little more humanity.

[+] Just the syntax in general – I like that you can push phrases and
paragraphs around in any which order and they still work. In fact, one might
even venture to say that they work even better than before.

[+] Breaking things up into two chapters. Very nice. *Very*
nice.

[+] I did notice a substantial decrease in the “one”’s, and
that was greatly enjoyed.

[+] It never really occurred to me before, but Alleth is
kind of a smart aleck. She’s fun to read.

[+] There are so many little things – small differences,
really – just choices in diction that somehow make this so much more fun to
read. Just *being able* to write like that is so difficult, and so impressive.

[+] The narration sounds vaguely modern, but the dialogue
doesn’t.

[+] We get to say “hello” to the characters before we get
tossed into the technicalities of their world!

Meh:

[-] Slightly concerned that I will never be able to like
Rainald as a character, but hey, main characters aren’t necessarily supposed to
be your favorites.

[-] Actually, that’s kind of it… wow. Not bad, Alma, not bad.

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One Comment to “Loki on Chapter 1 Rewrite”

  1. Thank you..really informative!!

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