Courtney on Chapter 1 Rewrite

I really like what you did with the chapter one rewrite. The
transitions are much smoother and everything fits together a lot better. I also
like that you kept the Council meeting basically the same, that was one of my
favorite parts. I’m glad that you took the bar meeting out of the beginning and
slid it into the story at a more appropriate time as a memory. The father’s
death is much more understandable in this version, it isn’t as abrupt and
confusing as it was before which helps me more forward through the story as a
reader. Overall, the rewrite is much more concise and to the point, the little
ramblings that are to be expected from newer writers have been erased and the
final outcome is a great start to what promises to be a great story.


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