Zach on Chapter 1

To speak honestly, I believe it to be difficult to find problems within this
first chapter. I enjoy the descriptions, good length great word choice, and
also the practicality of the main characters actions, which is usually
lacking in writing done by someone my age. Most of the possible flaws I
found were in the first few paragraphs, the introduction is slightly
difficult to read as far as grasping the importance of all of these details.
Rereading the chapter I find that there is a use for nearly every one, and I
enjoy the fact that these details coincide nicely with the plot. Though one
thing to consider would be the word arrangement in some sentences, an
example being: “The Carlin man was shaking his head, sloshing some wine off
the table with a hand that was none too steady by this stage.” As compared
to “The Carlin man was shaking his head, sloshing some wine off the table
with a hand that by this stage was none too steady.” Then when Rainald was
being attacked, I felt thoroughly confused. Other than that, there are a few
grammatical errors I trust you won’t have problems spotting.

Besides those slight flaws I find myself to be captivated by this story. I’m
surprised by how skilled of a writer you were at age fourteen. The amount of
detail behind the characters, how they spoke, how they acted, and the manner
in which Rainald analyzed this was superb. Just thinking about the amount of
time it would take me to sit down and think about each individual character
to give that person a very convincing personality, is mind blowing. Thank
you for the first chapter can’t wait for the second, and sorry for taking so
long to write this.


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