Courtney on Chapter 1

I’m liking this story so far. I really like the idea
of the upper classes having special abilities. It reminds me of Anghara and
Sight, and not in a bad way! The beginning is a little hard to understand, it
starts out with a lot of mystery, which is good, but with all the “he’s” it
gets a little confusing as to which “he” you’re talking about. Not sure how to
fix this while still keeping the mysterious element. I really like the dynamic
between Rainald and Alleth, I hope that it gets explored more fully. As I read
through it more, I found myself getting put off by the multiple names used for
their ‘gifts’. There’s Contact, Pattern, Gift, and I think a few more. I feel
it would be more approachable if you only had one or two proper names for it,
for instance keeping ‘Pattern’ as the term for feeling the other person, the
term for everyone’s unique voice through ‘Contact’. The Pattern stones are a
little confusing as well, but I think they will add a nice touch as long as
they are explained to have a purpose other than just identifying Clan members.
Rainald’s father’s death was a little bit sudden, it didn’t seem like he was in
danger of dying from much more than old age. I think it would make a lot more
sense to say that he was sick, everything happened too fast, one minute Rainald
is worrying about drawing his father’s anger for being out late and the next his father
is dead and he’s Lord Avigor.

 

The dynamic between the Clan council members is very
entertaining. The meeting was filled with tension and it introduced the concept
of the caste’s in the country very well. The visitor’s description put me off a
little at first, aliens added on top of medieval type settings and superhuman
powers seemed like too much, but as I read further I discovered that this land
is a colony and that they’ve seen and heard of starships before. I really enjoy
that you’ve taken a new spin on the medieval land. They aren’t back in time,
they’re forward. Not too much negative to say simple grammatical errors that I’m
sure you don’t need my help to find. Overall I really liked the first chapter, it
just needs a little work on the continuity and flow that gets lost in the
attempt to keep Rainald’s identity hidden.

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One Comment to “Courtney on Chapter 1”

  1. Nice comparison to Anghara – it is a bit similar, isn’t it?
    Definitely with you on the relationship between Rainald and Alleth. In a lot of books,siblings don’t get enough emphasis on their actual ties to each other – and those are usually really interesting interactions that we get to miss out on.

    The thing about the Contact/Gifts that Clan has is that it never really seems to get explained outright; I’m not sure if that’s a good or a bad thing. On one hand, it’s refreshing to figure something out as you go along, as you discover the world. On the other, it’s pretty confusing for quite a while, which, you know, isn’t always the greatest atmosphere for a story to have.

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