Okay, first off, a quick note: “He clapped Rainald, sitting silent, on the shoulder, smiling.” That sentence is just…wow. I know that it’s supposed to mean that Dow is clapping Rainald on the shoulder and smiling whilst Rainald is sitting silent, but it looks like…well it looks like a mess.
I don’t think I have mentioned this yet but I quite enjoy the fact that each clan has their own colors and gemstones. It seems so well-thought out and organized, hardly something I would have thought a 14 year old capable of in their first writings. I guess I just haven’t met the right 14
year olds.
All in all, I like the rewrite, though the sudden close bond between Rainald and Aleta still bothers me a little. Rather than seeming like a love that will last through the ages as it should be, it seems more like two high school kids going “oh we’ve only been dating for a week but I love her, I know I do. We’re gonna get married,” even though everyone knows they will hate each other in a week. It seems empty. I don’t know, perhaps it’s just this chapter and I will grow to understand it as the story progresses but that is how I feel about it for now.
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Posted on February 12, 2011 at 11:46 pm in Comment and discussion, Editing process, New Chapter | RSS feed
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Courtney on Chapter 3 Rewrite
Okay, first off, a quick note: “He clapped Rainald, sitting silent, on the shoulder, smiling.” That sentence is just…wow. I know that it’s supposed to mean that Dow is clapping Rainald on the shoulder and smiling whilst Rainald is sitting silent, but it looks like…well it looks like a mess.
I don’t think I have mentioned this yet but I quite enjoy the fact that each clan has their own colors and gemstones. It seems so well-thought out and organized, hardly something I would have thought a 14 year old capable of in their first writings. I guess I just haven’t met the right 14
year olds.
All in all, I like the rewrite, though the sudden close bond between Rainald and Aleta still bothers me a little. Rather than seeming like a love that will last through the ages as it should be, it seems more like two high school kids going “oh we’ve only been dating for a week but I love her, I know I do. We’re gonna get married,” even though everyone knows they will hate each other in a week. It seems empty. I don’t know, perhaps it’s just this chapter and I will grow to understand it as the story progresses but that is how I feel about it for now.
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Posted on February 12, 2011 at 11:46 pm in Comment and discussion, Editing process, New Chapter | RSS feed | Respond | Trackback URL
2 Comments to “Courtney on Chapter 3 Rewrite”
February 20, 2011 at 3:11 am
You are COMPLETELY spot-on about Rainald and Aleta – the accuracy of the high school kid analogy made me chuckle. It seems as though reading and witnessing so many plasticy romances, living in the world that we do, it’s obvious and kind of grating when we encounter something not entirely… right.
March 28, 2011 at 11:09 pm
Oh look, now it’s my turn to be really late with replies to comments ha ha! Yes it is quite hard to come across that sort of thing though now that I’ve read more of the story it begins to make sense why it was so rushed. The initial love story between them is just a vehicle to get to the real flesh and bone of the story. I guess I’ll just have to suck it up, though I do miss the complexity and beauty of the love story between Anghara and Kieran. Now I wanna read the Changer books again…..